Monday, January 23, 2012

You cannot carry that on with you! You must check it!

Happy 4th week of January(and Chinese New Year-Liz)!!!

I am happy to report that this week was very well to me.   
I spent some much needed quality time with some close friends.  
 Something that became crystal clear this weekend was the importance of maintaining close relationships with your bestest girlfriends.  
 These relationships do not just happen or maintain themselves, but instead you need to tend to them as prized petunias.   
You have to give them just enough of your sunlight and make sure they are thriving in the conditions they find themselves in.  
 My history would prove that I was not born with that green thumb, but just because you are not naturally gifted does not mean you cannot work toward mastering that skill.   
I have made mistakes in previous relationships and have also found myself in relationships where I was not appreciated. 
Say, what now?   
 It’s true.  
 Forgetting to water a friendship can happen to anyone, but sometimes you are unable to resuscitate it and just need to rid your garden of those pesky weeds.  
 Luckily, I have some prized petunias in my garden.
Thruthbetold at times I feel scared by such friendships. 
I know what you might be thinking. 
Who would not want close friends and the bonds that come along with such a prized possession?  
 It’s true. 
I have this sense of disbelief, distrust,and the occasional panic attack that I will make a mistake and it could all vanish into thin air.   
 A couple of years ago someone broke up with me. 
People breakup all the time. 
Except that this breakup I did not see coming and could not at the time even understand it.  Time passed and I kept finding myself coming back to this relationship and trying to figure out what happened? 
Trying to put the jigsaw puzzle back together somehow. 
  Who did what? 
What was my responsibility?
And what about the other half? 
Do they not take any responsibility in what happened? 
So, I imploded this relationship on my own.  
Maybe not? 
At this point I will never know and honestly I am exhausted of carrying this baggage with me.   
I will check this bag in once and for all.   
Here is a letter I worte to myself as a way of letting go of the pain, hurt and trauma thsi breakup caused:

Dear Idalia, 

Hey girl! How are you? I am writing this letter to let you know that you are wasting your time pining for someone that has clearly moved on.  It’s okay to remember the good times, the bad times, the hilarious times and the inside jokes, but do not live in those memories because they are just that.  You are a great friend and you are a good person.  When shit happens sometimes, it is not always all about you!  Could that person have been insecure just like you were?  Give yourself a break and forgive yourself.  What is done is done.  Life did not end at the collapse of that relationship and it will not end at the collapse of a future one (hopefully you will not have one).   That person did not value you.  I will repeat that to make sure you heard me.  That person did not value you.  It is their loss! You are worth more than they realized. You are kind, funny, and loyal.   Do not continue to live with this failed relationship as a measure of what type of person you are.  That is unfair to you and to the people you will meet. We all make mistakes.   Smile. Remove that scarlet letter that you have given yourself.  Live your life changing year with one less bag to carry. 

The lessons you should take away from all of this shoud be the following:

  •   Treasure the friends that stuck by you when this all of this went down—mopping up tears, answering your enraged phone calls, rehashing what transpired for the millionth time.
  •   Don’t forget about the power of ForgivenessSelf. Others. Practice makes perfect.   
This week four memorable things happened:
1.  I discovered that a morning routine is important BUT a night routine is critical.  For an entire week I have packed my snazzy lunch bag at night with breakfast, lunch, and snack items.  This little bag has come in so handy and takes me from day to literally night (it gets dark quickly here!).  

Your body and your pocket book thank you. Chaching!

2.  In the last week I have fallen asleep for four days without the use of a tv, radio, laptop or dvd player.  In examining my night routine with friends, it became clear that maybe just maybe the tv distraction also distracts from my number one goal at night: Sleep.   

Don’t underestimate the wisdom of your friends.

    3.  My mom and my sister came over for an impromptu breakfast. It is so great when you can do something for others who always do for you. Love you guys!

You and your mom have truly come along way.
4.  I enjoyed my unproductive weekend! Unproductive in the errands area but productive in the friendship area.

Sometimes you have to put down the to-do list and live.

An update on my resolutions for January
(Look for a full report next week February 1st):

Create a morning routine- this one has changed a bit to create a night routine first. I have made small changes to both of these and I have already been reaping the benefits.
    Finish updating my resume- I found it and I have identified small changes that need to be made.
  Order internet/cable- I did a little research and I have a phone number.- I will have better new next week.
 Take better care of my health- I came back with an almost clean bill of health.
Update my blog once a week

Here is to a great week and forgiveness. 


1 comment:

  1. My dear friend. I love the letter you wrote to yourself! What a great way to let go. I'm so proud of you and do know that we all have fears and insecurities, but it does not make us bad people and it does not mean that it will stop us, at least not me, from loving the wonderful person that you are :-)